Since 1954, the mighty waters of the Columbia and Willamette have been home to the ONLY Christmas tradition that’s worth a damn: THE CHRISTMAS SHIPS, a mighty fleet of delightfully decorated boats that patrol our land's dark, dangerous waves—bringing us boisterous light and joy, and banishing sinister sea lions and razor-toothed mer-people to the rotting, watery depths! Nearly every night until Christmas, this jaunty procession of slow-moving, light-spangled boats will valiantly cruise through all sorts of territory, from Milwaukie to Vancouver—AND there’ll be meet and greets, where you can cram your eye-holes with close-up views of the festive boats (!) and meet the fearless skippers (!!) who heroically navigate their vessels across our rivers and into our hearts.

by Wm. Steven Humphrey