Conan are wonderfully ridiculous, and they know it. They’re called Conan. They play songs with titles like “Foehammer” and “Paincantation” and “Wrath Gauntlet,” and those songs sound like Camaros made out of bones and skin, weed-powered vehicles rolling through the moonlit forests and ivy-choked castles of a metal kid’s wildest dreams. Their riffs are molasses, their lyrics are rife with axes. Deadpan jesters sailing a sea of fake blood, Conan know you’ve always wondered what Altered Beast: The Band might sound like, and they are in no mood to disappoint. So grab your sword and let’s go.

by Chris Stamm