"REPENT!" reads the crazy dude's handmade sign. The sign goes into further detail--there is, shockingly, something about the end being nigh, or near, or otherwise approaching more quickly than one would like--and it turns out Old Crazy Dude is onto something. For he and everyone else in 2012, the end is coming--in, like, 15 minutes--and those facing it should hurry with the confessions, 'cause a whole lotta shit is about to crumble and explode. At the very least, the doomed should dig up their copies of Paradise Lost to reacquaint themselves with Pandemonium, both in the Miltonian sense (SO MUCH SMOKE AND LAVA!) and the more general sense (SO MUCH STUFF CRUMBLING AND EXPLODING!). 2012 is pure pandemonium, and it's like two and a half hours of it, and if you're not in the mood for an inane summer blockbuster in the middle of November, then move along, killjoy. by Erik Henriksen