Vin Diesel plays Kaulder, a medieval fighter guy who becomes immortal when he kills a witch queen. Now Kaulder is an 800-year-old New Yorker, banging flight attendants whenever he's not out fighting witches. Look, they didn't have to make a masterpiece. All they needed were some grotesque-looking witches, some noisy fighting, and probably a few glowy magic spells. And they needed just a little bit of fun—a quip here, an over-the-top special effect there, a jump scare when you aren't expecting it. But The Last Witch Hunter doesn't just plod, it crumples in front of you. by Ned Lannamann