Asmus has an actually pretty witty bio: "Geoffrey Asmus began performing stand-up in 2013 immediately after wasting $143,548 in college. Within a short time Geoffrey won Comedy on State’s 'Funniest Person in Madison 2015' and Penguin Comedy Club’s 'Funniest Person in Iowa 2015,' both times beating out the guy who invented meth, Quentin [...] No matter where he performs Geoffrey never makes eye contact, which is a blessing for all." Experience the awkwardness.